GLBT, LGBT, Thoughts

Stop Salting Wounds

Since late Tuesday night, much of the United States is in mourning and dealing with their grief in various ways. I’m one of them. And yes, it is grief. Hope for the future, the promises we made to our children about growing up in a safe, inclusive, equal world were ripped from us election night. That was a significant loss.

Words like shock, numblost, and afraid describe emotions since election night. I watched the TV with hope and excitement at first. My best friend took a picture of us and we were all smiles. Two hours later, after a healthy dose of denial and then reality crashing down, I was crying. In the wee hours of the morning, I was sobbing.

It was as if I were on a highway watching a car filled with all my loved ones crushed by a semi-truck.

In slow motion.

slide1-1024x767
Kübler-Ross Stages of Grief

I bled beside my friend and then at home with my daughter and husband. We tried to heal each others’ gashes, punctures, and lacerations, but we were so stunned we didn’t even know where the blood was coming from yet.

Five days later and I’m still not entirely sure I’ve staunched all the bleeding, and some of what I’ve seen on social media has only made the wounds more painful.

Move past it. It’s not that bad. It’s only four years. Not all Trump supporters are racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamiphobic haters, so try to see it from their point of view. It’s time to build bridges and stop whining.

I’m still gushing blood over here, yet people are giving me physical therapy instructions on how to get flexibility back in my thigh. My lacerated muscle is mince meat exposed to poisonous air, so physical therapy is a long way away.

Please don’t forget, we are still in mourning.

stages-of-griefAnd these messages of get over it are being met with a lot of hostility, which has been a shock for some. Friendships have been burned, respect lost, and nerves frayed.

Person A might be at the Adjustment phase of their grief—congrats on getting there so quickly—but Person B doesn’t need to match the speed of your process. This isn’t a contest. Many are deep in the Loss-Hurt phase. Some of us are still dealing with emotional outbursts. I cried several times yesterday and I have panic attacks about how I’m less safe today than I was last Monday.

And these aren’t hypotheticals. These are realities some of us have already lived.

I was raped when I was eleven by a boy who thought he had a right to my body. When I was thirteen, three boys held me down to see how many fingers they could “get in her pussy.” They only stopped because the sound of my flesh tearing echoed in the room. I was raped again when I was twenty. Mere weeks after finding out I was pregnant from that rape, a strange man lifted me from behind by my breasts and carried into a hotel room filled with men! I was on my way to visit my mom to figure out what to do about the pregnancy.

And now we have a president-elect who thinks grabbing a woman by the pussy without her consent is something to laugh off and dismiss as locker-room talk.

That’s not even my greatest fear because balls can easily be crushed. I fear for my daughter’s future, one I thought would only get better, more equal. One where I hoped she’d see the glass ceiling shattered. One where she could kiss her girlfriend in public and no one would give her a second look.

I fear for my friends’ safety. I fear the beast Trump unleased, essentially giving permission for all the haters to come out of their caves and show their true colors. What about my friends who can’t hide or diguise themselves for one reason or another? And no one should have to feel that need in the United States of America.

The last thing I want is for closets to be considered the only safe space.

We kicked down a hell of a lot of closet doors in the last decade, and there’s no way I’m going back into the darkness. I will fight. I will fight like I did in the past by boycotting businesses who promote hate. I’ll donate to causes that promote equality. I’ll keep coming out and telling people I’m bisexual so their delicate snowflake worlds can be put on edge again and again. I’ll speak up and stand up and fight back rather than hoping someone else will step in. And I’ll keep writing books where men fall in love and find their happily ever afters.

But I still need time to grieve. Allow me to do it in my own way, in my own time, and with my own process, not yours or anyone elses. Try to respect that.

Please stop pouring salt and vinegar into open wounds.

We will get to the reorganization phase soon.

grief_wheel

  • Grief is normal.
  • Grief can occur with any significant loss.
  • Grief is a personal and unique experience.
  • Grief takes time, which is unique to each person.
  • Grief cannot be sped up by outside or inside forces.
Blog Tour, Book Release, GLBT

RELEASE DAY!

Tangled Mind is out there ready and waiting for you to read it.

TangledMind_FBbanner_DSP

A Christmas Eve release…. I’m not sure how this will go because so many people are busy with family activities. If you’re like me, you’ll probably be clambering for some alone time, so picking up a book might be exactly what you want.

I didn’t update you yesterday on my blog tour because I was swamped with work, so I’ll tell you where I was on days 5 & 6.

  1. Joyfully Jay – I share why I wanted to write about a codependent character and what I learned in the process of telling Beck’s story.
  2. Prism Book Alliance –  I talk about coping mechanisms that turn into self-destructive behavior, depression, and self-sacrifice.
  3. Inked Rainbow Reads gave Tangled Mind a lovely 5 Star review.

I love that Ms. Roberts didn’t shy away from the raw emotions. … This was an incredibly satisfying story, start to finish.

5-star
You can get Tangled Mind at all the usual places.

Dreamspinner Amazon Barnes & Noble

SUBSCRIBE

GLBT

STOP with the Gay For You, Please!

I hate that label. It’s used on Goodreads all the time with my books because I write about bisexual men. They are bisexual, not gay for you or for anyone!

Never have I written about a straight guy who suddenly decides he’s going to give it up for another guy for whatever reason, but I’ve surely written about men who are bisexuals who are inexperienced with same-sex relationships or who later in life come to terms with their same-sex attraction.

This is not at all the same thing as gay for you.

Perhaps I’m overly sensitive because I’m bisexual and I’m SO sick of bi-erasure that I could spit. Like spit hard enough to break glass sort of pissed. I’m a bisexual woman who has been married to the same man for nearly 20 years now, but I’m still bisexual. Sadly, most people ignore me when I say I’m bi and say ignorant shit like, “But you’ve been married to a man for ages, so now you’re straight” or  “But not anymore.”

Uhm…no! I’m still sexually attracted to women, and if something were to happen to my husband (death, divorce, anything), I could just as easily have my next relationship with a woman as a man. I lost a friendship over this issue because, during the MN marriage amendment vote, I had one of my friends wonder why I was so passionately opposed to allow marriage to be defined as between a man and a woman. The simplest answer I could give her that truly resonated with her was that I might want to marry a woman some day.

She still didn’t get it.

So the gay for you label/tag obviously brings out a lot of passion in me. If you have sexual desire for someone of the same sex, you are probably not entirely straight. Our world is not a dichotomous place of straight and gay, despite how many forms we are given to fill in bubbles that only give us only two choices. The world exists on a continuum, one where I’m happy to plot myself for interested parties.

Bisexuality is more common than many are willing to even consider, which is one of the reasons I write about bi men. Gay men often dismiss bi men as “experimenting” or being “curious,” and the straight public doesn’t understand us bisexuals at all, unless in the context of porn created for straight men.

This is my plea: stop using the tag gay for you or the excuse of “I knew he was really gay!” when authors and friends are truly defining bisexual men. The world is grey, not black and white. Stop making people pick boxes because they make it easier for you to define. Instead, allow people who ID as bi to use the label they choose to use!

Also, if people are bi-erasing in front of you, stop it. We do exist. We really do. And we sure could use a few more advocates in the world.

 

GLBT, LGBT, My Novels

Sales at ARe and Dreamspinner Press

There’s a great sale on some DSP books over at All Romance ebooks. Flare is one of the books on the Take The Chill Out of Winter Sale along with many other authors. Click to save!

14

So far it seems to be working up here in MN. It’s going to be in the 30s today. 🙂 Maybe the compacted snow on my driveway will start to melt.

I just saw this too! 25% off the entire store at Dreamspinner Press! What a great time to buy paperbacks!

BgWzdiKCMAAIHZE

GLBT, LGBT, Me Being Me, My Novellas, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Coming Out in Our Own Ways

So why on earth would someone who identifies as bisexual and is technically out be afraid to tell their family they are dating someone of the same sex?

That’s been a common question in the last few months related to a character I wrote. My character Cal in Feathers From the Sky has a very loving family who has known in theory that he identifies as bisexual since he was in high school. Now at age 26, he is basically coming out again or in a new way, because all his family has known about him is that he dates women. They’ve never once seen him with a man.

Coming out can be scary no matter how supportive your family might be, because losing that loving family is not something you’d ever want to consider.

When I wrote Cal’s character, I wrote from my own experience as a bisexual woman. According to my mother, I’d only been with men. Yes, I knew she was supportive. I knew she could no longer kick me to the curb, but she could shut me out of her life. Being cut off from her and her love and acceptance would’ve been horrific. She was the foundation of my childhood, the woman who made all things right when everything around me went to shit. To lose the women who had always helped me rebuild my world would’ve been tantamount to a disaster.

I did come out, but I was “old” when I did it. For a long time, I was happy allowing my mom to think she had raised a heterosexual daughter. But then I started writing M/M Romance. I was facing the truth telling of coming out in so many stories I’d written as well as read, and yet I was, in essence, lying.

Was I scared? Hell yes, even though my life was stable. I didn’t need to rock the boat. Yet, I wanted to rock it, because I wanted my mom to know the real me, especially as she was getting closer to the end of her life.

So when people say they just don’t get why Cal was so nervous, I want to ask those people how they felt prior to coming out to their families. My suspicion is that many of those people never had to do that. Because coming out is essentially what Cal was doing again, even if his parents and siblings knew in theory that he was bisexual. In reality, he was straight to them, at least from Cal’s perspective, which is truly what matters. If he ever experienced any sort of bisexual bias, he was even more justified in his concern. Bisexuality is hugely misunderstood, and the stereotypes of being confused, undecided, gay-for-you, or being easy are never far behind the admission, “I’m bisexual.” Cal thought his parents were on the “he’s confused” wavelength, and in the story, his own father admits to that even.

In the end, how the individual feels about exposing this part of themselves is the most important thing, not what other people think you should feel or do or say. You should never be forced or coerced to come out. Coming out happens in small stages. Cal sharing Philip with his family was one of those stages, possibly one of his last stages.

As for me, when I chose to tell my mom about my bisexuality, she wasn’t surprised at all.

And she still loves me.

Never once did I think my fear or rejection was unjustified though.

GLBT, Interviews & Reviews, LGBT, My Novels

Spectacular Review for Flare + Giveaway!

Flare_headerbanner

Jules Lovestoread reviewed Flare over at Mrs. Condit & Friends Read Books. She also interviewed Hugo and even got him to reveal a few dirty secrets. O_O  Click over and comment to be entered to win a copy of book 3 of my North Star Trilogy. What do you have to lose? Not a thing, and according to Jules, 

This series is fantastic, and I fell head over heels for these characters – Hugo especially. Flare is the final installment in the trilogy, and Posy Roberts couldn’t have done a better job with this ending.

NS Trilogy Shot

Book Release, GLBT, Inspiring, LGBT, Social Issues, Writing Process

Are You Ready for Flare?

JanuaryAd_Elisa_NorthStarThe full North Star Trilogy will be released in 36 hours when Flare is out. Have you read Spark? Is Fusion still burning in your mind?

You still have time!

Hugo and Kevin knew they should be together all the way back in high school, but life took them in very different directions. When they have a chance to continue their relationship, life’s circumstances have other plans for them. But they know they are meant to be, so they fight for each other, and they will fight for the family they want to nurture together, even if the world around them doesn’t quite understand their “alternative” family and tries their best to keep them apart.

GLBT, Interviews & Reviews, LGBT, Thanks, Writing Process

Vote Today for the Finalists!!!

This might look like yesterday’s post, but it’s so different. Yesterday the voting at Mrs. Condit Reads was preliminary voting. This time around it is the Author of the Month Finalist!!!! So thank you for tugging Posy Robert’s fusion into the new poll. XOXO

So, if you have a few moments to grab your devices, whichever ones you fancy, would you be so kind as to vote for Posy Robert’s Fusion or any other book that jumps up and grabs you. Winners will be announced Jan 9th.

❤ Thank you!

Author-of-the-Month-Finalist

Book Release, GLBT, LGBT, My Novels, Thanks

Are You Ready?

JanuaryAd_Elisa_NorthStar

The entire North Star Trilogy will be released in a week on January 13th.  If you haven’t cracked Spark or Fusion yet, you have a week to get ready for Flare. Or maybe you want to re-read Spark and Fusion before Flare comes out. Please spread the word to all those people who were “waiting for all the books to come out,” because it’s not that far away. And thanks to all my wonderful readers. You rock!