Let’s start this Sex Positivity Blog Hop post with a first kiss.
He smiled at me with so much more intensity than usual and then leaned forward, capturing my lips with his. Warmth spread through my belly, and it wasn’t from the fire he’d built. It was from deep inside me.
I was still somewhat unsure, but when his tongue drifted across my lower lip, I opened to him and dared to lick into his mouth. His lips were warm and soft and wet in the most wonderful way.
It had been ages since I’d kissed someone like this, and it felt completely new.
~Release date: December 24, 2014
Love starts with a kiss.
Or maybe not, in all cases.
One of the Duggars’ kids of TLC fame got married. After the ceremony she and her new husband shared their first kiss. Not their first kiss as a married couple, but their first ever!
They posted a kissing pic on Instagram, which sparked controversy because it was perceived as too steamy. Ma and Pa, wanting to support them, posted their own kissing pic on Facebook where they challenged “all married couples to take a happily married picture and post it…”
Several married same-sex couples posted kissing pics, which have since been deleted. They were called trolls in some articles, despite being legally married and answering the challenge, which is how my attention was drawn to all of this.
So, now people are saying it’s shameful to kiss your partner prior to marrying them?
No. Please don’t sully the kiss.
Kissing is amazing. We learn so much about our partners while kissing. Things like:
- how they feel about give and take
- how they smell and taste
- what they like and dislike
It revs us up and gets our bodies ready for sex and relationship bonds, and we even release endorphins when we kiss.
And sometimes we find out we’re not nearly as attracted to a person after we’ve kissed them. In a study by Hughes, Harrison, and Gallup, Jr., they found 59% of men and 66% of women were no longer attracted to someone post-kiss despite initially finding them appealing. That first kiss is very telling.
This is why I find it so surprising that young couples are being encouraged by their parents to deny themselves kisses. Shouldn’t couples be the ones making these decisions on their own, especially if they are mature and responsible enough to be making a commitment to one another?
What this entire story makes me truly worry about is that for some, kissing is now being put so high up on a pedestal these young people felt compelled to take photos of them kissing and then post it on Instagram to prove it happened. It feels like the ancient practice of snuffing out the candle or hanging the bloodied sheet out the window to prove to the community waiting below that the marriage was consummated.
That’s not a first kiss. That’s a circus.
First kisses can be great, but they can be totally crap too. Get the kiss off the pedestal until after it’s happened, then put it up there so you can look up and say, “Yeah, that was fucking amazing,” even if you did knock teeth and end up with a bruise on your upper lip. Passion happens. Thankfully!
Sex can be magnificent, but creating such outrageously high expectations up front does nothing but set people up for disaster. They may feel as if they failed if they didn’t see stars or bring their partner pleasure or come or any number of other things. Even finding enjoyment in sex can bring shame, which is not a great ingredient to add to a healthy sex life, self esteem, or a relationship.
There are finally resources for those people recovering from purity culture, so please share them. They are fighting a hard battle and need help finding a sex positive culture.
Let’s be honest, having sex on a pedestal is dangerous. 😉
Sex doesn’t have to be magnificent for it to be enjoyable. No need to see stars when a roll in the hay is all you desire. You’re connecting with someone and communicating with them in a way that is unique to only those two… or three people. And that’s a lovely thing!
For people in same-sex or other relationships that have been scorned for ages and forced behind closed doors, I want to see photos of your kisses. First kisses. Sleepy kisses. Good-bye kisses. Married or not, I don’t care.
And not as proof that it happened but as a celebration that it did. People need to see those kisses to help make this a sex positive world. No more deleting!
So does love start with a kiss? It certainly doesn’t have to, but I’m glad I spent hours kissing my husband when we first dated. I think our bond is stronger because of all the time we spent lip to lip. Twenty-three years later, I still want his kiss before I fall asleep at night, before he leaves me to go to work in the morning, and especially after we’ve fought and made up.
Which brings me to an apology kiss+. Sometimes they are the sexiest.
“I’m sorry, Cal. I’m so sorry.” He pressed his words into my skin as he leaned me against the silver maple. Then he kissed me, and there wasn’t anything I could do to resist him—who’d want to resist Philip?—so I kissed him back. He dropped to his knees in the snow, and the maul slipped from my fingers as he unbuttoned my jeans. The cold air on my cock was a shock, but his wet mouth around it immediately warmed me again.
The Sex Positive Blog Hop is the brain child of the magnificent Grace Duncan. Please check out all the other posts.
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My first kisses have rarely been amazing. The first time I kissed a man EVER was kind of awkward and uncomfortable. Most guys I’ve kissed since have been somewhat awkward the first time around. We needed a little practice to see how we fit best. The few instances where the kiss was really good the first time, never ended in good relationships. Not saying there’s a correlation, but I just don’t put that much emphasis on the FIRST kiss.
Most of my first kisses have sucked too, at least with men. The women I’ve kissed got it right from the start. Which is why we should be given lots and lots of time to practice. 😀
It’s been mixed for me, so I don’t put much stock in a first kiss being this big momentous thing. One man I dated, I had to gently guide away from devouring my face when he kissed me. And one woman whose kisses felt so tiny and delicate, as if she were holding back. *shrug* Practice is good!
Awesome post! I definitely hear you on this and agree. Thanks for the resource link about recovering from purity culture, too, I’ll pass it along… I’m pro “trying out sex before settling down with someone”, so of course I’m pro kissing before settling down, too! This is a great addition to the blog hop, thanks for writing!
There are a lot of people struggling with what was drilled into them as kids, so I hope those resources are helpful to people. I’m glad you’re sharing. Thanks.
*nod* I was just listening to a podcast episode with a few authors talking about sex, and at one point they discussed the effect of that kind of culture, as two of them grew up in it.
Would you mind sharing the link?
It’s only touched on some in this episode but there’s a lot of good stuff in there and there are two other parts that I’ve yet to listen to. There are references to the 3 authors’ characters/books but nothing too obscure, I think. Most of the discussion is about sex and society and sex in fiction. http://www.metamorcity.com/the-sex-round-table-part-1-of-3/